then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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