I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
