She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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