I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
