Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
