OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
