How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
