Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
