new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize