I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
