she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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