$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
