Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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