Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
