Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
