Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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