You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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