cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize