I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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