his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
