I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
