You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
