i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
