We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
