My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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