Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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