my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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