There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
