I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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