there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
