Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
