Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
