I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
