Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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