You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
