Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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