haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
