dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My vagina is officially offended.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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