the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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