I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
