you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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