Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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