you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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