Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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