she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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