u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
