The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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