My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Shame - the story of my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
