Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
