does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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