Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
