only if we run a train.
done.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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