dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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