If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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