your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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