The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
