We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
