you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
