i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
