I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have aggressive nipples.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
