Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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