we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
