my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
