I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
