Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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