I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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