I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All I want is dick and wine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
