just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
