he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
