I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
