Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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