You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
