you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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