forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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