the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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