Sry I called you an 8
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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