dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize