Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
