Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
