Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
