I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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