What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
